i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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