I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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