Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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