If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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