i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
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I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
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The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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