I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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