apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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