Apparently you make a good broom.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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