You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
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