4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
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