And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
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yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
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I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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