I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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