Do you still have your period?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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