i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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