last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize