We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize