I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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