apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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