I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize