I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
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He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
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Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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