All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize