She's JV to your varsity
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
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my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
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