Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
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it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
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is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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