We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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