These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
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We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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