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none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i used baking grease as lip gloss
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
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