So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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