I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
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So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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