fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
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