I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
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I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
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He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
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