Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
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She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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