her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
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She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
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Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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