Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
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i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
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She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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