i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
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next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
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you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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