Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize