She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize