How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
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