She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
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She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
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it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
My vagina just clenched in fear
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