you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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