I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
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I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
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You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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