oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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