I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize