I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
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After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
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Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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