you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
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Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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