Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize