We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize