I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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