They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
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So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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