I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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