So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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